Come On In, the Radiation Is Fine...

It's true. You do learn something new everyday.
Like today, for instance It's true. You do learn something new everyday.
Like today, for instance. I learned that unlike in the comic books and science fiction, prolonged exposure to pretty much any form of radiation should come highly unrecommended!
I mean, it's not like it was that great of idea to begin with, but here's what happened...
It was a pretty average day when that 18 wheeler packed up, into my lawn. The whole truck was white,... everything. I have no idea why. It also had an eerie glow about it, but I digress...
Anyway, so this truck backed up to my yard and some guy in a white suit and a funky mask started rolling these big drums off of the trailer in some kinda real hurry. Like he was afraid I'd notice,... even though I was just standing there eating a delicious muffin.
Then, just as quick as he arrived, the guy in the big white truck was gone.
At first I just didn't care. Living as close to the highway as I do, trash being thrown into my yard was nothing new. So, I just went inside and cooked several dozen fried bologna sandwiches... just in case!
A couple hours passed and the itching started. Not your normal itching either. Not like crabs or herpes or anything. It was kinda like a trillion and six little mosquito bites. Next thing I know, I'm naked as the day I was born, violently scratching my entire body with a tuning fork!!! Now, usually I'm not that itchy, so it occurred to me that something must be different.
It was only once I staggered my nude, bleeding self outside and tripped over one of the ominous drums (causing minor brain damage...), that it occurred to me. It was the drums that were new!!!
So, like anyone with the intelligence of a sea slug would do, I grabbed my trusty 9lbs. sledge hammer and started wailing away on one of the containers.
Within only a couple of minutes, one of the drums burst, covering me in a gelatinous, orange substance.
Of course, my first reaction was like that of anyone else in that situation,... I licked it. Numerous times.
When I awoke I was actually a little excited about my experience!
I thought that maybe that orange stuff would give me some sort of great and wonderous powers. Something amazing, like the ability to shoot webs, or change my body mass, or become invisible at will. Ya know, something I could use. Heck, I'd have been happy with gills or even a second set of arms... But NOOOOO! Not me, I can't get covered in radiation and get a GOOD super power. All I got was a lot of internal blistering and a month-long case of shrieking, acidic diarrhea!!! THANKS RADIATION!
So, until next I blog, remember this. I'm Ben Dennis, and I'd like you much better if you were too....