History Lesson...

Very few people know this, but I was actually one of the 1st settlers to come to the Americas way back in the 1970's...
Yup. My homies and I were all hangin' out back home in England when I decided that I was tired of never being allowed to worship freely within the structured doctrines of the Church of England.
It wasn't even so much that I didn't like the sermon or the church itself, it's that they'd never let me on the pony rides after the service because I wasn't taller than the line on the chart. That was whack!
So, after I spray painted the words "Ben Wuz Here" on the back door of Buckingham Palace, my boys and I decided to bail.
We went down to the marina and found these houseboats that were goin' 3 for the price of 1, so we snagged 'em at THAT price and decided to go discover America.
After some sweet paint jobs, a little chrome, and a "Calvin peein' on England" decal, we were ready to rock n' roll. In the tradition of the great mariners of our time, we 1st christened the boats with a bottle of Cristal and dubbed them the Niña , the Pinta, and the Santa Claus...
So yeah, we sailed hard for 2 or 3 days before we ever saw land.
Once we landed, one of the other guys and I got into a fight as to where we were. He swore up and down it was San Salvador, but I was pretty sure it was Cleveland. I got tired of his lip so I wrapped him in fly paper covered in used tampons and beat him mercilessly with a bag of doorknobs.
Later we put on funny hats we found in my grandmother's attic and met some Indians. They were a little frightened at first, but once I explained that we were here to take their land from beneath them and thin their population by 80% they livened up a little. One was named Earl. He was pretty cool.
They taught us how to grow food on the land and how to kill wild game. In exchange, we did their taxes for them and taught them about underpants...
So anyway, I met Pocahontas and we decided to unionize and start a holiday. We called it Thanksgiving because Chinese New Year was already taken...
I guess that's pretty much how Thanksgiving got it's start. Oh, and then we killed Indians and drained the land of most of it's natural resources...
Consider yourself informed...
So, until next I blog, remember this. I'm Ben Dennis and I'd like you much better if you were too...