Something This Wrong MUST Be Right...

It's funny how things catch you when you're not really expecting them.
I mean, like last night for instance...
I was out on the back deck, chopping puppies into stew meat like I do most nights, when I get this feeling... The kind of feeling that something is just wrong.
Feeling the need to investigate, I tossed the rest of the puppy into the pile, put my pants back on, smeared the puppy blood from my face, and inhaled deeply.
Not knowing what to expect, I grabbed my trusty small arms machine gun, a paring knife, and a torch fashioned from a hobby horse and some kerosene soaked rags. Once armed, I made my way down the steps into the dark, luke-warm night.
I looked around my property, searching for signs that something might be out of the ordinary. Upon close inspection I noticed that everything was in it's place. The trash cans were sitting upright, the garage door was locked, the rake was sitting against the fence, the bloodthirsty demon was perched ominously atop my porch. Then I thought to myself, wait(!)... I don't have A RAKE!!!
But no matter, I carried on with my search.
Outside the sanctum of my privacy fence I found dead bodies scattered all over my lawn and the lawns of my neighbors. Monstrous creatures were running through the streets, baying at the moon and eating frozen burritos. Near the mailbox, a semi nude, two headed acrobat was playing the banjo with Flea of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame. While off in the distance, one could hear the sinister voice of Pat Sajak demanding that some unsuspecting fool purchase a vowel.
So, I turned back and shut the gate as nothing seemed abnormal.
I just couldn't put my finger on it...
I gave a half-hearted high-five as I passed the demon again, now feasting on someone's baby. I was perplexed...
This feeling wouldn't leave me.
I pulled out my list of things to do for the day... and each item was checked off. I asked my wife, and over the deafening noise of her band saw she mouthed the words "Shut up.".
What was it? What was it..?
Just then, atomic powered robot samurai burst through the fence and tried to assassinate me. I fought them off valiantly, just like the night before and last Tuesday too...
Outside the gate I could hear elephants trampling crippled people...
What was it..?
Then, as I fired off several rounds from my firearm into the night sky, Santa Claus landed in his flamboyantly decorated sleigh, adorned with silver and rhinestones. At first I was glad, then, after he gave me a low blow and a piledriver, not so much...
For the life of me I couldn't understand why I can defeat robot samurai but not Father Christmas...
What was it..? What was it?!!
Then, as the Earth split in two and Hellfire burst forth from the ground I remembered!!! I'd forgotten to mail off the property taxes! CRAP!!!

So, until next I blog, remember this. I'm Ben Dennis, and I'd like you better if you were too...