I couldn't yet tell what was bothering me, but something certainly was.
I pondered this as I removed my pants and did a fairly impressive hand-stand...
After some time I came up with something I was certain would be fulfilling. I'd kill me a vampire!!!
So, I grabbed my handy-dandy backpack full of vampire slaying regalia and headed out into the night looking for even the tiniest sign that a vampire could possibly be in the area. Ultimately, after walking just past the mailbox, I saw a sign on the neighbor's door that read, "Home of Count Wilbur: Vampire Extraordinaire". It led me to believe that it just might be a clue...
So, in true vampire hunter fashion, I ran, screaming at his door and drop kicked it open!
Inside, that demonic bloodsucker, Count Wilber was sitting cross-legged on his sofa, eating Vienna Sausages.
I cried out, "Prepare, DEMON, for battle! Your murderous days are over!!!".
Count Wilber looked up from his sausage tin and quipped back, "Wha..?".
While I had the beast confused, I decided to strike!
The long and short of it is, I did battle with and killed the evil creature of the night! Even though Count Wilbur was a 67th degree black belt in Tai Kwan Stink, an ancient battle art utilizing hand-to-hand combat skills with subtle bursts of breaking wind.
It was after I'd staked him to the ground with a stake and mallet, then kicked his right ear clean off the side of his head that I found his list of potential victims.
On it were the following names. Oprah Winfrey, Charles Manson, Hilary Clinton, Tom Cruise, Steve (I don't know Steve...), and the Devil. Oh(!), how could I make this mistake?! Count Wilbur was not a villain, but instead a hero bound to rid the world of it's greatest EVIL!!! Because of me, Tom Cruise lives and the world still quakes in fear within his tiny little shadow...
CURSES!!! That's typical of my luck.
So, until next I blog, remember this. I'm Ben Dennis, and I'd like you much better if you were too...
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