Livin' La Vida Loca...

So, here's the thing.
I've been getting hounded for the last little while, as it seems that the world over want to know what's been going on in my life.
Well, as a man of many talents, I keep a lot of irons in the fire. So, to speak...
In fact, I'll give you a brief run-down on some of the recent events in my life, just to help you understand just what I mean...
-I was arrested in Salt Lake City, Utah for proclaiming myself the "High Chief Mormon" while wearing a beaded sombrero and no pants. Court date is still pending...
-I punched and wounded a baby panda who was trying to breathe my air. In a fortunate turn of events, at least this one didn't die...
-While engaging in hand-to-hand combat with a ninja/vampire, I was given a nasty infection which lead to me having to drink innocent blood a couple of times. Not that big of deal, but still...
-After having eaten a live penguin, I was mauled by several other penguins. At first it was funny, then later, not so much...
-While listening to the new Justin Timberlake CD, I began vomiting violently until my skull burst into flames and a demon burst out of my colon waving a white flag of surrender. I only made it to track 4 before I decided it wasn't worth the discomfort...
-I urinated, on more than one occasion, into a light socket. Aside from the severely burned groin, I still don't really consider this a bad idea...
-I joined an equal rights, hate group. The idea was to hate everyone equally, but I'm not entirely convinced it'll catch on...
-For a short time I was actually trapped in an alternate reality, which was kind of cool. The only problem being that the women all had really shaggy sideburns...
-I read "War & Peace" while on the toilet. Upon finishing the book, the toilet seat had to be blasted off of my butt with a medium charge of C4 explosives...
-I trekked all the way to the North Pole to hand-deliver my Christmas list to Santa Claus. The jolly ol' elf himself answered to door, wearing nothing but a smile. I'm currently trying to decide if I should convert to Judaism...
-In just under a minute I karate kicked 11 elderly women in the throat. This is a personal best for me, thus far...
-Lastly, for a one-night-only engagement, I joined the legendary rock band AC/DC as their lead singer when Brian Johnson came down with a case of gingivitis. All was going well until I tried to follow-up "Hell's Bells" with a stirring rendition of Barry Manilow's "I Write the Songs"...
See? I'm a busy little beaver.
But, ya know, it's what makes me who I am.
So, until next I blog, remember this. I'm Ben Dennis, and I'd like you better if you were too...